The day I left my phone at home
One rainy Sunday; in a hurry to leave home for a prayer meet, the inevitable happened. I left home without my phone!
Now we all know that phones these days are not just something used to get in touch with someone; they are also our camera, phone book, diary, computer, bank, GPS, newspaper, television…
A lot of things happened as soon as I realized I had stepped out of the house without my phone. My heartbeat quickened, my breathing shallowed, I started feeling cold and clammy as I visualized about a 100 missed calls and a thousand messages.. and I began to get anxious, bordering a little on a panic attack thinking how would I now get a cab and pay for it, or get something to eat or drink while out, or even shop for the basics! And maps! What if I needed to find an address! And music! What would I listen to if I got bored, while out? News! How would I know what’s going on without my phone!
Mind you, all this ran through my head in the first 2 minutes of realizing I am phone-less. And, while being in the company of my husband who was driving, whose phone was with him, both of us had our wallets with cards in it; we were going and coming back together and most importantly, we were going to a known place!
Luckily, I also managed to calm down by taking deep breaths and could reason with my mind all of the above in the next 2 minutes..
..but, wow, that small gadget sure got me freaked out and how!
So, after calming down, I decided not to turn back to get the phone, although, I was to be out for the next 4 hours and the phone was just five minutes away. Let’s test our self, I said to me, let’s see if we can survive this. Clearly, I have, else I wouldn’t be writing this blog.
The first hour, maybe an hour and half was ok; did not miss the phone at all. Maybe because I was en-route to the prayer meet and attending it. Post that, when we decided to stop somewhere for lunch was when I felt I could do with going through some tweets and catching up on messages and most importantly, check on the kids. Actually, I was itching to check on the kids; whether they had eaten. And no, it was not all a mother’s worry, some of it was also the need to micro-manage the post lunch tidying up, so that I don’t walk into a messy kitchen. And to check whether they have been doing their homework..
But I couldn’t. And consciously kept away from getting hubby to check on them either, save letting them know that my phone was at home, just in case.. (when your parents are old, you do want to be accessible).
If I look at every thing as a learning point and there are a few take-aways from a seemingly silly incident of stepping out without the phone.
1. Kids were more than fine
That’s because they are kids no more, but almost 17 now and really want to be left alone. And sometimes want to shoulder some responsibilities to feel ‘grown-up’. And want to do things their own way. Being accessible to them at all times, or accessing them at all times, doesn’t make either of us feel good. In me, it paves the path for anxiety and in kids, the inability to take onus of any kind. That it will help deteriorate our relationship is also a given, if I am to constantly hover over them.
2. I wasn’t missed as much as I thought I would be
There was one missed call. Just one. My sister. That too it was a routine one, and we easily caught up the next day. There was no catastrophe waiting for me. There were 4 Whatsapp messages. Again, routine ones. Some forwards. Nothing important. Only promotional emails; none of any importance at all! Only thing devastated here was my ego, because I wasn’t missed; and there was no calamity left in my wake.
3. There is so much life, and relationship, outside of my smartphone
Sure, social media is the star of the day today and if you follow the ‘right’ people and if you have a great number of followers yourself, you seem to have made it in today’s world. But, there still IS the real world that we live in, with real, live people and real, live emotions. There are real seasons and real scenes that can be seen, observed and experienced in real time. These moments live outside the phone, all around us, and need to be experienced in the ‘now’.
Also, sometimes, I feel, we take our relationships for granted. We are more committed to our phones than our people. Don’t believe me? Try having a 10 minute conversation with any family member with your phone kept in another room and the topic should be ad hoc. I know how tough it is coz I run out of steam in 5 minutes flat!
It may not be a bad idea to partake some of what life has to offer by keeping the phone away for a couple of hours every day.
4. My phone and I have been in a ‘toxic relationship’
Does that sound extreme? But, look at everything that psychologists mention as a toxic relationship and simply replace the other person with the phone. My phone was not allowing me to spend time alone, or with anybody else. My phone was constantly demanding attention. My phone had become my priority number 1. My phone needed to be handled with kid-gloves. My phone was feeding into my anxiety and insecurities. My phone was also giving me my daily fix of gratification. My phone was demanding to be the first to document anything happening around me. My day was beginning and ending with my phone. My phone was handling my money. My phone was keeping tabs on my calendar, my friends and even my period.
If that is not toxic, what is?
So, like any good psychologist’s advice in such a situation; it is nice to take a bit of a break and see other people.
5. I was using my phone to hide away
As a young girl, I had learnt quickly that it was better to hide behind books to avoid unwanted attention. Soon, books turned into phone and even as the world around me changed and young girls all over seem to have taken agency over their lives and control of their surroundings, I was still hiding away. And my phone was helping me do that very effectively. Always be buried in the phone — either messaging or on SM or clicking picture to post on SM.
Although, it felt strange to have nothing to fall back upon, even though it was for just a couple of hours, it was also nice to openly observe people around me. More importantly, it felt nice to be in my own company. It was nice to not hide for a change.
Now, I understand that this was a Sunday and there are no work issues to be dealt with. But this tiny incident led me to realize (ok, since I am an overthinker) that being constantly available, even for work, is quite unhealthy for me as well as everyone around. That need to always be ahead of things, people; that need to always be in control, it is adding to so many mental and emotional insecurities in our lives. And we are not realizing it. We keep feeling unsatisfied and unhappy and keep trying to find happiness outside.
Maybe, my experience and my thoughts are on the higher side of exaggeration, but, truth be told, we are too much into our phones and too little into our environment.
The big takeaway for me was now, I look to keep that little, rectangular thingamabob some distance away, maybe another room even, while at home; and safely in my bag, while out. Promise myself to not hide behind it; allow my mind to not be compulsively occupied at all times; and live in the real world.
